Aaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!

Gimme an empty room and I can go on screaming for minutes!!!

All you need to do now

is to scream at me

and

there..the tears might just flow out..

gosh..

at least I might feel better after that..

Really!

Feel soo cramped up..

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!

Talk about being

in the middle of friends..

Parents..

feeling like a mannequin

in between two people..

Doing good for others

and

getting mud back into your face..

Being stacked up with responsibilities..

Projects..

Emotional turmoils..

and

worst of all

Not being sure if we are on the right track..

Just feel the pressure buliding up each day..

Scenarios might be different but the end result..

Scenario 1:

He wants to come..She wants to him to come as well..hell!!

Even I want him to come..

After all the 3 of us

have been together for soo many years..

but then

What am I to do

If the household management says no..

What if they are bent on their impression

based on what they saw and heard?

Its not as if I didnt try..

I tried my best to alter it..

I could not..and I would'nt blame them totally..

and

now I am in the middle..

Shes sayin talk to them..

I said I did..

and

there she goes asking me what to tell him..

man..yeah I know..

Both of them love me to the core..m struggling...

I wish he had never changed this much..

but then changes are the only constants in life..

Scenario 2:

She does'nt feel good..I don't feel good.

We feel that the week has to be over

for us to really smile

genuinely..

Things seem much more complicated..

Scenario 3:

My super hero..

Shattered..Torn..

Talks about death..before birth..

Talks about ruining everything

after october 13..

has started smoking..

She says its 'healthy' cigars..

They look bad to me..

I am scared..very scared...

Scenario 4:

Nightmares..real terrifying ones..

used to come only after midnight..

Now its invading my peaceful afternoons as well..

The similar components..

The dark room..

The women..

The fangs..

The feeling That this is' nt real

but has the ability to keep me shut inside..

giving me chills down my spine..

paranoid..getting real paranoid..

The things that keep me going

and

makes me smile

when I step out in my shoes:

my studies..

my future

and

no matter what happens,

my loved ones who still linger around..

I cant afford to lose my grip again...

no..I wont..I promised..I will hold on..

I will..

and

thats a promise

I will withhold

even

when they are not around physically...

&

I have realized ..

Just a smile can do wonders..

and the same smile can create wreck..

oh my..

Never in my life

have I missed someone's smile so much...

hiaz..

=) Take Care (=

Labels: anger, depression, Life